The Love Dialectic – 4 years in…

On this day exactly four year ago I married my hero.  As I rode to the church that day, I felt no feelings of nervousness or anxiousness, I was ready!  What I soon found out was that no one can prepare you for the highest level of relating, and it was much more important for me to be “willing” than to be ready.

I love my wife with all of who I am.  I love my children with the same.  They have taught me so much about my preconceived notions of love, family, romance, and marriage…and we prepared….

My wife and I had an outstanding pre-marital counseling experience with Pastor Kevin J. Lavender, Sr., and we read and shared a great book on marriage entitled “fit to be tied.”  We knew that the standard of Love had been set by God and that’s just what love “is.”  We’ve all heard the definition of love somewhere…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13)

What I have learned about love over these four years of loving my wife, is that this definition is the standard, not some mystical, automatic change that occurs at “i do”, but a life-long journey of becoming together.  Marriage is a dialectic, a divine standard that wars with human imperfection to make better people to serve together in this life.

Let’s consider some examples of what I’m saying.

“Love is patient” is the standard.  However, I believe that the displays of love in living together and the growth of love happens in the flux or tug-of-war between patience and its natural counterpart:  impatience.

The same applies to kindness.  In marriage and family there are always reasons to be kind, and there are always reasons to be unkind.  Love is in ACTION when you have to choose between the two.

So for every standard found in love’s definition, the realities of relating at the highest level presents its polar opposite.   And true love happens in our choices.

I chose to love my wife, and I choose to love her today.  Why?  because she is wonderful, strong, smart, beautiful, and an outstanding mother and wife.  And on those days when she and I are acting out the opposites of the standard, or when things are not ideal, Love remains…even when it’s a tug-of-war.

I’m blessed today with the relaity that we keep tuggin’ and we keep choosin’, and we still Love.

Peace, Blessings, and Happy Anniversary G,


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